In the flicks

Things you would never know without movies:

* Large, loft-style apartments in New York are well within the price range of most people - whether they are employed or not.

* Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.

* Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.

* It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

* When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

* If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fusion at the age of 22.

* Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.

* Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

* During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

* All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.

* All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

* Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.

* You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

* Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or Russian accent will do.

* The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

* A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

* If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.

* If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noise in their most revealing underwear.

* Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say, 'Enter Password Now'.

* Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

* A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

* If you decided to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know the steps.

* Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

* When they are alone, all foreign military officers prefer to speak to each other in English.