Morons of the world unite

With a little help from our friends!
Police in Oakland, California, spent two hours attemting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing 10 teargas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting, 'Please come out and give yourself up!'

What was Plan B?
An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

These nitwits are teaching our children?
A nine-year-old buy in Mannasas, Virginia, received a one-day suspension under his elementary school's drug policy last week - for Certs! Joey Joeffer allegedly told a classmate that the mints would make him 'jump higher'.

and....
A student in Belle, West Virginia, was suspended for three days for giving a classmate a cough drop. School principal Forest Mann reiterated the school's 'zero-tolerance' policy (not to be confused with the zero-intelligence' policy).

They definately saw this bloke coming.
Fire investigators on Maui, Hawaii, have determined the cause of a blaze that destroyed a $127,000 home last month - a short in the homeowner's newly installed fire prevention alarm system. 'This is even worse than last year,' said the distraught homeowner, 'when someone broke in and stole my new security system.'

Working for your supper!
A man walked in to a Topeka, Kansas, Kwik Shop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

Taking care of the competition
In Medford, Oregon, a 27-year-old jobless man with an MBA blamed his college degree for his murder of three people. 'There are too many business grads out there,' he said. 'If I had chosen another field, all this may not have happened'.

Me and my big mouth!
police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself in a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, 'Give me all your money or I'll shoot,' the man shouted, 'Thats not what I said!'

Burning a hole in the pocket!
A bank robber in Virginia Beach got a nasty surprise when a dye pack designed to mark stolen money exploded in his Fruit-of-the Looms. The robber apparently stuffed the loot down the front of his pants as he was running out the door. 'He was seen hopping and jumping around,' said the police spokesman Mike Carey, 'with an explosion taking place inside his pants.' Police have the man's charred trousers in custody.

My old man's a plonker!
A man spoke frantically into the phone, 'My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!'
'Is this her first child?' the doctor asked.
'No, you idiot!' the man shouted. 'This is her husband!'
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer!
In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.